We Say We Support Women—So Why Are We Turning Against Each Other?
I came across a post that stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t subtle. It wasn’t calling for conversation. It was a woman telling ‘middle-aged white women to shut the fuck up.' She ranted about how these women are privileged, how they can afford to travel and do retreats because they don’t have kids, and then dare to call themselves 'spiritual.'
I was hugely activated by this because I felt attacked—not just as an individual, but as part of something bigger. That moment made me pause. If I, someone who has spent years doing the inner work, felt instantly defensive—how many other women are feeling the same? And more importantly, where is this division leading us?
When we turn against each other, we reinforce the very thing we claim to resist. I'm a woman who chose not to have children. I work as a life coach for women in midlife, and I understand that I carry privileges not shared by all women. I do my best to navigate this with awareness, using my gifts for the greater good of humanity—not against it. I have had to unlearn and relearn how to engage with spiritual practices in a way that is deeply respectful of their origins and cultural significance. It is my own spiritual growth that has gotten me to where I am today, and I know that everyone is on their own journey, doing what they can. Spirituality is part of the healing, not the problem. When we tear it down or dismiss it as 'white spirituality,' we are not fixing anything—we are creating more division, more distrust, and more wounds. If spirituality has helped someone become more aware, more compassionate, more in service to others, then why diminish that? We need to challenge misuse where it exists, and we also need to be mindful that true healing happens through dialogue, not condemnation.
Today, as we celebrate the power, resilience, and wisdom of women across the world, I also find myself reflecting on something heavier—how many of us are feeling this sense of division? How many are silencing themselves out of fear of becoming the next target?
The most painful wounds don’t always come from external forces—they come from within our own communities. The patriarchy isn’t just upheld by men; it’s upheld when women distrust each other, silence each other, and label each other instead of listening. We self-censor, we shrink, and we lose the trust we’ve worked so hard to rebuild among women. How many of us have swallowed our words, afraid that one misstep will make us the next villain in someone’s narrative? There is no denying that we live in a world that still tries to divide us—by race, by class, by ideology, by labels. And now, even within feminism and spirituality, we are seeing the same patterns. Phrases like “white feminism” and “white spirituality” are being used, often as a way to call out injustice or misuse—but instead of leading to real conversations, they feel like blanket condemnations, shutting down dialogue rather than opening it up.
Holding people accountable is necessary. Acknowledging harm is necessary. But there’s a difference between addressing individual actions and making sweeping generalizations that shut down learning and conversation.
Yes, misuse of spiritual practices exists. Yes, feminism has had blind spots and exclusionary histories. These things need to be addressed. But labeling an entire group instead of addressing individual actions… that’s discrimination.
Why This Breaks Trust Among Women—And How We Rebuild It
Discrimination, in any form, reinforces stereotypes and division rather than healing. It makes assumptions about entire groups of people instead of recognizing individuals for their choices, actions, and growth.
It silences learning & accountability – When we label, we erase the ability for nuanced conversation and growth. Calling someone out is not the same as calling them in.
It reinforces “us vs. them” thinking – The patriarchy thrives when women are divided. It has worked for centuries. Why would we willingly continue the pattern?
It prevents true allyship – If we want progress, we need each other. All of us. That means holding each other accountable with respect, not tearing each other down with shame.
Instead of assumptions, let’s have the conversation. If you see someone misusing spiritual practices, tell her. If you witness feminism being weaponized instead of uplifted, speak up. Give people the opportunity to learn, adjust, and do better. Because true empowerment isn’t found in canceling or labeling—it’s found in connection, education, and collective growth.
And here’s what research confirms—when people feel unfairly judged, they don’t become more open to change. Instead, they shut down. Studies on group polarization reveal that shame-based tactics don’t lead to progress; they push people deeper into their existing beliefs. Isn’t that exactly what we want to avoid?
So how do we rebuild trust?
Call in, not out. When we see harm, addressing it directly and with respect allows for dialogue instead of defensiveness.
Center conversations on shared values. We can hold people accountable without throwing them away. Growth is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
Make space for listening. Not every disagreement requires a reaction. Sometimes, understanding comes from asking better questions rather than making accusations.
Together, We Rise
So, on this International Women’s Day, my deepest gratitude goes out to the women who came before us—those who fought, who marched, who stood against oppression, who created the freedoms we enjoy today. To the Black, Indigenous, Latina, Asian, Middle Eastern, and white women who challenged the systems that tried to silence them. To the women whose names we know and the countless ones we don’t.
I honor all of you—for the small and grand things you do, for standing against oppression, inequality, misogyny, systemic racism, reproductive restrictions, economic disparity, and every injustice that seeks to diminish us.
If we want to create a world where all women are truly free, we have to stop tearing each other down. We have to trust that we’re on the same team, even when we don’t agree on everything. Because feminism isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. And that means walking through the discomfort together. The world already tries to silence us—let’s not do its job for it.
We stand because you stood. We rise because you rose. And if we truly want to honor that legacy, we must choose unity over division, dialogue over labeling, and trust over fear. And we will keep pushing forward, together.
Happy International Women’s Day. Let’s keep building—not breaking.